This was the 14th Father’s Day without my dad. It’s often difficult for me to grasp that so much time has passed by since he’s been gone, even after all of these years. The thing about grief is that there is no timeline for you to “get over it.” It is complex and ongoing with so many different layers. And even those with this shared experience will go through it differently. There is no one way. There is no right way. We all process it the best that we can.
Several years ago, I had a “friend” who often made comments whenever I would talk about my grief. Things like, “I think you talk about grief too much on your Instagram” and “I know what you went through was hard but it’s been a long time now.” File that under things to never say to someone who is grieving.
The truth is until you have experienced it for yourself, you will never be able to truly understand it. I remember growing up my mom would talk about my Abeula. She passed away when my mom was 22. She would tell these stories about her and cry. Sometimes the sadness still felt so fresh. I didn’t get it then. It wasn’t until I lost my dad that I finally understood the pain and heaviness she carried each year. I watched my dad take his last breath and I felt his last heartbeat. That is the kind of thing that never fully leaves you.
I felt inspired this year to write something about grief. I decided to film myself reading it out loud and I shared it in a Reel. My hope was that it would resonate with at least one person and I am very happy it did. I appreciate it when others talk about their grief. It makes me feel less alone. It makes me feel seen. It’s something I have been open about for so many years online. There is no shame in it. It is an inevitable experience that we will all go through at one point or another.
My dad’s anniversary is coming up on August 25th and that will officially mark 14 years since he has passed. I will continue to honor him and his legacy every year. It’s healing for me. It is therapeutic. And I know it would make him proud. He deserves to be celebrated.
In case you missed it, I wanted to share the video so that it could live on a piece of the Internet that is solely mine.
View this post on Instagram
Sharing the poem below too so that it’s not only part of the Instagram caption:
People say time heals all wounds,
But I don’t believe that to be true
I don’t think anything can ever fully heal me,
From the absence of you
With time I’ve learned how to cope with it well
But grief is forever, It’s lonely
It comes and goes in waves
It’s something I have to always carry with me,
For the rest of my days
And sometimes it still feels so heavy
Other times it’s like I’m not carrying anything at all
But — it stays with me, always
Mostly unseen, it’s presence like a silent call
Oh how I wish I could call you
And fill you in on all the parts of my life
But you’re already caught up, aren’t you?
I know you’ve been my guiding light
I always say I’ve lived two very different lives
The one when you were here and the one after you died
Something in me left with you that day,
But through the loss I’ve found myself
And I guess that’s poetic in some way
I don’t know how I’ll feel when I’ve lived without you longer than you were here,
But I hope I’m making you proud,
Navigating a world without you in it
Your love, it still knows no bounds
And I’m so thankful to be wrapped up in it
If you are currently grieving, especially if it’s new, allow yourself to feel whatever comes up. So many different emotions will rise to the surface — sadness, anger, guilt, shock, fear, etc. It gets easier to process and carry with time, but I don’t think it ever really goes away. At least for me it hasn’t left.
This was a shorter post, but I hope it could provide some comfort to anyone who might have needed it. I hope you remember you are not alone in what you are feeling and going through.
Sending lots of love and strength to whoever needs it. Thanks for reading. ❤️
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