For My Angel, On Father’s Day

It’s become extremely therapeutic for me to do these tribute posts for my father. It’s a way for me to honor him and celebrate his legacy. It’s a way for me to share his greatness with all of you. It gives me a little bit of normalcy on days like today and makes me feel as though I’m giving something back to him. Thank you for allowing me to share my innermost thoughts and feelings with all of you. It’s not always easy to expose my vulnerability, but in order to know me is to know what I have been through. Thank you for understanding that no matter how much time passes, even after all of these years, the pain is still there. It stays with me, but it made me who I am. Not all wounds heal, but each day I try a bit harder to make it hurt less.

 

For My Angel, On Father’s Day 

I have finally learned to create beauty in the space that you no longer occupy. While that can never take your place or fill the void you left behind, it reminds me that my life can still be beautiful, even in your absence. I know that you would want that for me. You would want me to live a beautiful life filled with passion and creativity. The truth is that you’re the one who keeps me going every day. You’re the one who changed me into the best version of myself and I sometimes wonder if you’d recognize the woman that I’ve become. She’s so different from the selfish girl that you once knew and she’s living a life with true purpose and direction. After years of being so completely lost without you, I’ve slowly found my way again and it’s because of you. You’re the light that shines on me even in my darkest days and I thank you for always brightening up the path that I am on. It’s crazy how you still find ways to teach me, challenge me and guide me. You’ve helped me grow. I’m eternally grateful for your unconditional love and the strength that you’ve instilled in me. I’m a much stronger woman now and I owe it all to you.

I’ve learned that while I may always be bruised, I am no longer broken. You see, you’ve helped me to build a much better relationship with myself and you taught me the importance of self-love. Your absence made me realize all of my capabilities and it helped me push past all of my fears. Nothing will ever scare me more than the moments right before you died, knowing that I was about to lose my father. You showed me that if I could get through that tragedy then I could get through anything life throws my way. It’s still been so difficult for me to accept the fact that you are no longer here. I still question why it had to happen so suddenly and so soon. I still don’t fully understand. I am doing my best to try and accept that God had a different plan for all of us. I truthfully don’t know if I would be living the same life or if I would be the woman I am today if it weren’t for you leaving. I guess in some tragically beautiful way, this is how it was always written. But, I would give anything to have you here again. If only I could see your smile and hear your voice one more. I would listen more intently and I would pay closer attention to all of those little details because now they’re just distant memories in my heart.

When I look in the mirror, I see so much of you. It’s in the eyes. I am my father’s daughter. I have your passion, your drive, and your willingness to always do better. You are my true motivation and inspiration. I always want to do right by you. I always want to make you proud. You were so selfless and you always sacrificed so much for us. It never went unnoticed and I am so sorry if there was ever a time where I made you feel unappreciated. The only way for me to give all of that back to you is to continue being the best version of myself. I will continue to honor you and carry out your legacy because we should always remember your greatness and the inspiration that you instilled in so many lives. You made such an impact. The world needs more people like you and I feel so blessed to be your daughter. I’m so blessed to be an extension of you. Thank you for giving me life and for being such an incredible father to both me and Jessalyn. Words could never express how lucky we are to say that you were our dad.

In the times that I need you the most, you find ways to reach out to me and remind me of your constant, undeniable presence. I feel it. I feel your love, your spirit and your energy all around me. I know that even though you’re gone, you never really left. I carry your heart. [I carry it in my heart] and I will continue doing so for all the days of my life. I will always be your little girl and you will always be my first love. I will keep showing you the world that you didn’t get to see and I know that you will be with me, holding my hand, every step of the way. Happy Father’s Day to you, my Angel. I miss you a little more with each passing day. I’ll love you forever. ❤️