Life Chats

Another Father’s Day Without You

“I carry your heart; I carry it in my heart.”

It wouldn’t feel right if I didn’t share a special tribute to my father today. This has been my way of honoring him and continuing out his legacy. It’s always so therapeutic when I’m able to create something in his memory through photos and words. In a crazy way, it’s almost as if he’s sitting here next to me, looking over my shoulder and reading my deepest thoughts and feelings. I can feel him around me today. It’s such an incredible energy.

I never expected to lose my father when I did. He was invincible to me. I thought nothing could ever touch him, at least not in the way that cancer did. During his last 3 months alive, I just remember playing back the 26 years we spent together. It wasn’t enough time. How could this be the end? Why was he being taken away so quickly? I didn’t want to go through life without his unconditional love.

I couldn’t help but think of all the things he would be missing out on. He would never get to walk me down the aisle one day or hold his first grandchild in his arms. He wouldn’t be here physically for all of mine and my sister’s big milestones. These last 8 years have been challenging. You’d think that it gets easier with time, but the truth is some wounds never fully heal. I’m thankful that I’ve been able to use his absence to inspire me to live my life in the most beautiful ways that I can.That wasn’t always the case though. The first few years I struggled emotionally more that I can ever express. I felt lost and alone. I often wondered what my purpose was and if I would ever step foot on the right path. Somehow, through God’s grace and the strength that my father instilled in me, I was able to find my way once again. It took time, but I embarked on a new journey that led me here to where I am today. And for that, I am forever grateful.

I look for my father in everything and everyone. I pay attention to the messages that he sends me. And he sends so many! How incredible that even though he isn’t physically here I can still feel his presence? He still continues to guide me and hold my hand (spiritually) as I begin new chapters in life. I truly believe in my heart that he helped lead me here to New York City.  

If your father is still in your life, then I urge you to hug him a little tighter today. Return his phone calls. Check in just to tell him that you love him. Give him your undivided attention. It’s these little things that you look back on. I always wonder if I did them enough. I hope that I did.

If you too have had to experience the loss of your father, I’m sending you so much love and strength today. I hope you find some solace knowing that he truly is still with you as you try to navigate this world without him. Pay attention to the signs. Allow yourself to be embraced in his energy. Carry his love with you wherever you go and let his absence inspire you to keep pushing through so that you can reach all your dreams. I’m pretty sure that’s what he would have wanted for you. I know that’s what my father would have wanted for me. Happy Father’s Day to my first love and the best man I’ve ever known. Thank you for blessing me in all the ways that you did. I have no idea how I got so lucky to have you as my dad, but God knew what He was doing. Please keep shining your light down on me. It fills me with so much hope and strength. I promise to always make you proud. Missing you and loving you more and more with each passing day. Forever your little girl. ❤️

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