Life Chats: Pre-Birthday Thoughts

My birthday is slowly creeping up on me. I can’t believe that I am going to be 34 in exactly two weeks. It’s a crazy feeling to almost be considered “in my mid 30s.” AHH! I thank my parents every single day for the good genes as most people still think that I am in my 20s. In fact, just a few weekends ago I got hit on by a 23 year old. I mean, hey, I’ll take that compliment. Whoever has thought I was much younger, I seriously love you.

My thirties, while sometimes a bit scary, have been the absolute best years of my life. I actually feel guilty saying that because my dad is not here physically to share these moments with me, but in terms of knowing who I am and what I want, they’ve been the best. From starting my own business to taking numerous solo trips out of the country, I can honestly say that I’ve created the life that I want.

My lifestyle and the choices that I make are completely opposite from the people closest to me. While just about every single friend of mine is married, engaged, and having babies, I’m over here living a very different life. It’s not that I don’t want those things for myself, but I’m still chasing after some dreams and I need to do it on my own. In many ways, I’m still figuring it all out and that’s why I’ve chosen to remain single, for now.

I have to be honest and say that I hate when people tell me, “Don’t worry, he’s out there. You’ll find him.” It’s almost as if some take pity on me for being single, but what they don’t realize is that it’s been my choice for reasons that some may not understand. I admit that for awhile, I closed myself off to love. It’s hard to explain and put into words – maybe it’s a post for another day – but losing my father made it very difficult for me to open myself up to love again.

While of course a father’s love is completely different from a boyfriend or husband’s love, it’s still a love that can be taken away. Subconsciously, I was trying to protect myself from the possibility of losing that. So I built up this wall and I made sure not to get too close to anyone. I’ve dated of course, but haven’t allowed myself to take it to that next level. Instead, I’ve focused on rebuilding my life and going after everything else that I want. I really needed to strengthen the relationship that I have with myself first. I truly believe in my heart that my time for love will come soon, as I’m much more ready for it now than I was before.

 

So, this leads me into the next thing. I wasn’t going to officially announce it just yet, as anything can change over the next 5 months, but for the sake of this post I decided to give an “unofficial announcement” today.

I am moving to New York City in March! Without getting into all of the details right now, I will say that I’m going to be taking over my friend’s apartment. It really is the best case scenario for me as finding a place in New York can be extremely difficult. While small, I love the apartment and the location is ideal for me. But, more on that later! (God willing)

The point in sharing a little of this today is that it ties into the dreams that I’ve still been chasing for myself. Moving into New York has been a huge personal goal of mine and I knew in my heart that I had to make this happen before getting into a serious relationship. I’ve been working so hard for this, praying for it and envisioning it for a very long time. The fact that it is starting to come to life is extremely surreal.

It’s taken me much longer than most to get here to this point, but it’s just a testament that my journey and path in life is very different than others. I am totally OK with that. This is why I have learned to stop comparing my Chapter 34 to someone’s Chapter 28. What’s written for you is not necessarily written for me too and vice versa. Everything happens differently for all of us and there is beauty in that.

My whole life is about to change soon. I’m sure it will be challenging at times, but I’m ready with open arms for this new journey and whatever comes my way. I will never know unless I take this leap of faith. Thank you for reading and thank you for allowing me to share my most personal thoughts. ❤️