It’s time for a good ole life chat. Been awhile and I’ve missed these. I’ve been in a very strange place emotionally lately. It’s definitely a mixture of things. May always makes me feel a bit melancholy as it’s the month when my father first got sick. Memorial Day weekend was when he got diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer. Every May, just like clockwork, I sort of relive those moments and it goes through the whole summer up until August 25th when he passed. It’s hard to shake, even after 7 years it still stays with me every single day. Wow, 7 years. I can’t even believe it’s been that long. I was talking to someone last night who lost their mom to cancer 10 years ago and we both said that even though so much time has passed it sometimes feels like it just happened yesterday. Isn’t it crazy how time can move so quickly yet also stand so still? Life is funny like that, but more of this on a different day. Today’s post is not meant to be sad in any way, but these emotions have definitely brought me here to this exact moment. You’ll see what I mean if you keep reading.
I’ve been constantly thinking about what my next steps are going to be and this has left me out of place emotionally. Where do I go from here? What’s the next chapter? These are just some of the questions that I’ve been asking myself repeatedly. I look at what I’ve built and how far I’ve come and I’m honestly proud. I’m happy. Yet, something is still missing. I still crave for more. I’ve been taking a lot of time to try and figure out exactly what “more” means. What else do I need to do in order to feel fulfilled? As much as I love what I do, I’ve always said that I want to branch out into other things as well. The goal has been for this blog to be a foundation and serve as a stepping stone into the next phase of my career, whatever that may be. It’s happened with other bloggers and it’s truly amazing to see where their blogs have taken them from creating other businesses to designing their own fashion and beauty collections to launching new products. The possibilities are endless when you constantly strive for more. And I want more. I’m ready for it.
I’ve been blessed with the ability to turn many of my dreams into reality and for that I will be forever grateful and appreciative. There has always been this one dream though that I have not yet reached. I haven’t even begun to touch the surface of it. Why is that? Am I afraid? Do I not have what it takes? I’ve been trying to figure out the answers to these questions. Something has been holding me back and I needed to get to the root of it all. Throughout the years, I’ve started and stopped so many times. I never actually saw it all the way through. I never stuck with it long enough to be consistent. I thought long and hard about writing this today and I came to the conclusion that if I put it out there into the universe, it would force me to hold myself accountable and finally get it done. So here it is. Here is my next chapter. I am going to write my book and I won’t stop until I’m a published author.
Ever since the 5th grade, I knew that I wanted to be a writer one day. I’ve always been such a deep thinker with an imagination that runs wild. Writing has come natural to me since day one and as I’ve gotten older, I’ve been able to develop my skills even more. I’ve formed such a strong passion for it. From children’s series to short novels to poetry and songs, I’ve written them all. I lost touch with this dream at some point throughout the years and sort of put it on the back burner. I think I became very confused and wasn’t sure what kind of book I wanted to write. Fiction? Non-Fiction? Children’s books? I didn’t really know and it became harder for me to start it. When my dad died and when I lost my job and created this new life for myself, it suddenly became very clear to me. A memoir. I knew one day that I wanted to share my story. The whole story. I’ve sort of been able to do that through my Life Chats, but in a very short version. Ever since I started to write these personal pieces and expose that kind of vulnerability, it’s inspired me even more to write my book. All of my solo travels have inspired me too and there really is so much for me to share. This book could connect me to thousands of other people, at least I hope. That would be such a beautiful thing.
I’m scared as shit. I’ll admit it. I realized that this is why I’ve been holding myself back. This is so personal to me and would leave me way more exposed and vulnerable than the posts here on my blog. What if no one reads it? What if people do read it and it’s not received the way I hope it would be? Either way, I can’t let that stop me. I truly believe in my heart that this is my calling. This is what I was meant to do. I can literally envision myself holding it in front of me. My dad would be so proud. I promised him that one day I would do this and he’s an essential part of my story. So whatever the outcome, I just have to be ready for it. I have to step out of my comfort zone here. It’s going to be a long process, but it’s going to help me grow and evolve. It will take me awhile to write it all and figure out the best way to get it published. I’m trying not to think too far ahead though so that I can first focus on putting all the words down on paper. I just know that it’s time and I have to stop putting it off. I have to bring this dream to life. I am so excited for this new journey and I can’t wait to see where it takes me!
It might seem a bit premature for me to put this out there without being further along on the process. However, this idea and this goal goes back to my childhood days. It’s been a long time coming and I hope that you will embark on this next chapter with me. Thank you so much for reading and I hope you always come back for more.
P.S. Happy Cinco de Mayo! ❤️