Life Chats

I woke up today feeling incredibly happy that I am starting this new chapter with all of you.  I am so appreciative of all the amazing feedback that I have gotten already about the rebrand.  You have no idea how much your words and support mean to me, so thank you!  I couldn’t wait to get on the computer to write a new post and truthfully, I haven’t felt this excited in a long time.  Change is so necessary for growth and I think that’s one of the reasons I was feeling stuck lately.  I needed to make improvements and start a new path so that I could keep moving in a forward direction.  So once again, from the bottom of my heart thank you all so very much.  I love you!

This past week has been a culmination of several different emotions.  A few days ago I got a call from my grandparent’s live in nurse that my grandpa was sent to the ER.  I unfortunately don’t speak Spanish fluently, but I do understand enough to know what someone is saying when they speak to me.  I couldn’t make out all of the details, but I knew from that call that things were not good and I literally dropped everything that I was doing and rushed out of the house to get to the hospital.  Of course I was thinking the worst and I started feeling so guilty that I let a month 1/2 go by without seeing him and my grandma.  I hadn’t seen them since before I left for Europe. If God forbid anything horrible happened to him and I hadn’t seen him, I don’t think I would have forgiven myself. That’s something my father always instilled in me.  He constantly reminded me that my grandparents were not going to last forever and that as they got older, that is when they would need me the most.  He was so right.

 Thank GOD he is stable and doing much better than he was a few days ago.  As soon as he saw me walk into the ER he smiled and the first thing he said was “My baby is here! Where have you been?  You don’t come around anymore.” It broke my heart. I’ve been at the hospital with him these last two days just keeping him company and talking with him.  I swear our conversations this week are the longest they’ve ever been.  Whenever I visit him at the house he’s always laying in bed and doesn’t talk much but I know that he loves to just see me there with him.  Last night he started talking about my dad and it really touched my heart.  We honestly don’t ever talk about my dad with my grandpa because we knew how painful it was for him to lose his son.  A parent should never have to bury their children, no matter how old they are.  My grandma is not as coherent as him and she doesn’t always remember who I am, but when she does it’s a good day.  I know that these last several years have been so rough on the both of them. They seriously remind me of the couple in the Notebook.

My grandpa is 93 years old and I know that his time here is not going to last forever, but I want to keep him around as long as possible.  He’s like a second father to me and I love him so much. He is the closest thing that I have to my father and since I don’t get to see my father grow old, in a way I see him through my grandfather. They even have the same name, Michael Angel.  The hardest part about seeing him in the hospital is that it’s the same hospital my father died in.  It just brings back so many memories and it’s as if I am seeing my father in there all over again.  It hasn’t been easy, but I am just happy that I’ve been able to be there for him.  Looks like he might get to go home today, so that’s a great thing! He is honestly the epitome of strength.  He’s a true fighter. Last night I was there till 11 because he kept asking me to stay and take him home. He’s been so worried about my grandma because he thinks that she is home alone.  Of course she is not, but it’s so sweet that while he’s there his main concern is her.  That’s a love that I hope to find one day.

I thought a lot about whether or not I wanted to share this on here.  I decided to because honestly this week was a wake up call for me.  It reminded me that I need to slow down sometimes and no matter how busy I may get, I always have to make time for the people that I love the most.  Cherish your family.  Be there for your loved ones and be present in those moments.  Don’t spend them looking down at your phone the whole time texting or checking your social media feeds.  When you have a conversation with them look them in their eyes and listen to what they are saying.  I’ll be the first to admit that I don’t always do that and it has to stop. Last night especially was a huge reminder for me. Time is limited for everyone.  Anything can happen at any time, so make the moments that you still have count.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. Sending you all love and wishing you a
Happy Labor Day weekend.