As my 38th birthday quickly approaches, I’ve been doing a great deal of reflecting on this season of my life. There is still a lot of space between where I currently am and where I want to be. I assume there always will be though. I’m not sure if we ever feel completely content with where we are in life. Comfortability often creates a stagnant feeling, at least for me it does. I find myself always wanting more, which can be both a good and a bad thing.
I have been creating content full-time over the last 10 years, which has been an absolute blessing. It’s allowed me to do what I love, build an online community and have some of the best experiences and opportunities of my life. I have been wanting to do more for such a long time now and these last 19 months or so have given me the time and space to think about what that might be. While I still have hopes and dreams for the future of my content (podcast, book, etc.) there is more that I want to achieve outside of what I have already built for myself.
Shifting My Perspective
For such a long time, I have been in the mindset of, “I only want to work for myself.” I felt that if I worked for a company again then it meant that I had failed. That simply is not true. I’ve accomplished more than I could have imagined in this past decade regardless of any stagnant feelings I tend to have. I’ve recently had to shift my perspective around this and be more open to other possibilities. I struggled with booking work last year and it put me in a very negative headspace that took awhile to snap out of. My anxiety was at an all-time high with more sleepless nights than I can count. While there are many incredible perks of working for yourself there can also be so much inconsistency and uncertainty, especially during a global pandemic. I’m eternally grateful that I managed to make it through these difficult times because I know that wasn’t the case for everyone.
I started saying this affirmation a couple of months ago: “I do not chase, I attract. What belongs to me will simply find me.” I kid you not things started to shift in my life, including my way of thinking. I’m a firm believer that the energy you put out is what comes back to you. I shared this affirmation in an Instagram caption on August 17th and on August 26th (the day after my dad’s anniversary) I received an email from a management agency wanting to represent me. I recently signed with them, which basically means that now I have the help I need to book more jobs. They pitch me to brands for new opportunities and help me manage any incoming partnerships. It has given me a sense of relief to know I now have the support when I need it. That’s definitely something I’ve been lacking all of these years. They just brought me my first job and the hope is that they’ll be able to get me back to a steadier, more consistent place like I was before the pandemic started. Fingers crossed.
I have done my best to stay open minded and because of that I think more opportunities are starting to come to me. I recently met someone who works in the HR department for a creative studio/marketing agency in my industry. She introduced me to the Director of Marketing there and I got on a call to discuss potential freelance opportunities that might be available at the end of this year. It went really well and I was happy I made that connection and had the call.
A few days later she told me about a new full-time position opening up that she thought I would be great for since I had the experience. This is something I normally would have been closed off to, but I asked her to connect me and before I knew it I was on a video call with them to discuss the role. The way things were aligning so quickly I started to think this might be meant for me. I found out last week that I did not get the job and initially felt very disappointed. I thought, “I’m finally being open to this and it didn’t work out.” I have a tendency to think I am not good enough and for a few brief moments that definitely crossed my mind. After having time to think about all of it I realize now that it probably wasn’t for me. Whatever is meant for me will not miss me. I believe that rejection is redirection and that’s the mentality I am keeping.
It has been 11 years since I worked for a company full-time, which is still so surreal to me. After college, I worked in finance for four years and once I got laid off I only took on part-time and freelance jobs. I could have never expected I would be able to work for myself all of these years and I’m very thankful for that. I know that working at a company again would change my life in many ways. While it would definitely be a lifestyle adjustment it would also give me the stability I’ve been lacking lately. It would get me working with a team of people again, which I honestly miss sometimes. Living alone and working for yourself from home gets very isolating. This past year or so has been especially difficult for me in that regard.
I shared some of this on Instagram Stories a couple of weeks ago and got questions on the type of work I’d be looking for. It would have to be something in my industry that can allow me to be creative and use my experience to really add value to the position. I know what it’s like to work at a job that makes you miserable and I won’t ever go back to that. Ideally, I would like to find something part-time so that I can still have the availability and capacity to create content and continue to build on what I already have, but if a full-time role comes my way I will definitely consider it. It’s all about finding the right opportunity and continuing to be open.
I have plans to launch a podcast very soon. It’s something I have wanted to do for years and at the end of 2020 I finally figured out the name and what it would be about. The title came to me in a dream and the next morning (my grandma’s anniversary) I sent my mom and sister a text telling them about it. I have continued to put this off because of some self-doubt but I know I need to just do it. The hardest part is starting. You learn so much as you go and sometimes you will make mistakes along the way and that’s ok! I don’t want another 5 years to go by and I’m still thinking about this podcast that I never started. We miss out on so much in life when we don’t believe in our dreams enough. I rather try and fail than to never have tried at all.
The podcast might be the foundation for other things to come into my life – a book, live shows, a product – possibilities can truly be endless. I think the topic is something many people will be able to relate to and I believe it is the next step for me. There are already so many other podcasts that currently exist, but I have to remember that mine will be different because it is coming from my point of view and life experiences as well as the stories of those I have on the show. I will definitely share more about this soon! Putting it out there now helps me to hold myself accountable.
I wasn’t quite sure where the direction of this post was headed, but it’s been awhile since my last life chat and I wanted to give you all an update on what’s been going on with me lately. I’ve already chatted with some of you in my DMs about this and can’t thank you enough for the support and encouraging words. It means more than you’ll ever know! Thanks so much for reading and I plan to be back with another post on here soon.